Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize