i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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