see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
