I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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