just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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