I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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