Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
