pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
