Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
