White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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