Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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