no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
