I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
