It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
