so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
