I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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