I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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