Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
