Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I checked into jail on foursquare
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
