Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
