mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
