I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
