my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
from now on my penis is your penis
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
