There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
