Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
