I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
