I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
