Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
