sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
