is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
