so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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