Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
