and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
