you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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