Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
