i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
