I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
