Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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