I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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