My friends, they love my intelligence
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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