Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
