sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
