drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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