oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
