During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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