I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
