Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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