my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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