my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
