Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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