Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
