Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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