I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
