Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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