I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize