just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
