he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
