There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
