So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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