Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
where are my eyebrows?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
