Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
No stitches, just platelets and will power
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
