Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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