I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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