Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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