Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
