yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
