i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
