bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this will be a night to untag.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hippo gnu deer
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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