I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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