that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize