did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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