on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
