im about as happy as oj after his trial
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
