All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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