As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
