that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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