If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
