Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
