perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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