i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
