Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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