Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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