It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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