Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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