all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I AM VODKA MAN
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
