...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
