I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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