cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
