The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
