May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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