hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
