i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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