i need an iv and a liver transplant
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
