I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
