We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
