the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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