You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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