1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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