Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
