Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
