Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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