At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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