On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
